WHat to do now?

Okay so I live in as a IP for the past 5 1/2 yrs Im allowed to do what ever I like as long as its on "The Planner".I do "The Planner" Every Sunday and I stick to a points plan to help me with my mental illness.Iv been bulimic for over 10yrs on and off and Now I feel that my mom (who is tiny I think shes a size 2) wants the best for me but recently I feel hurt and alone and p*****D off that the staff get a lot of money trying to make me normal as possible.They keep saying that my pants are down and would I mind pulling them over my stomach(which I always said I wont but Ill pull them up on my hipbones)I live with 2other girls that are on medication and are my friends-some what like a friend. Im on a very thin line at the moment,should I go back to a size 4 and get my hair done and buy loads of nice clothes? or suffer continuously in a silent manic depression? Its not about what I look like anymore-If I was to go on a diet it would be more for my inner self than my appearance.I like The way I look like right now but I rather see my hipbones and wear a size 2-4 in jeans. Its St. Patricks day tomorrow and all I have is a green beaded necklace.ANd My army zip up. My friend got fat and now I feel so alone :( I want some freedom and I want to be with my mom but I have cabin fever and homesickkk :(